The life of an independent touring band can get pretty disgusting. In fact, even if you’re signed.
Basically, unless you’ve got a private jet flying you from stadium to stadium and a team of carers ensuring your every need and demand is taken care of, everyday necessities and basic routines can become quite challenging.
The reality of piling your shit, self and band mates into a van, arriving at a venue, unloading, soundchecking, hopefully eating something, running merch and actually pouring your heart and soul into giving the best performance you can possibly muster is a deceptively brutal process.
All-male bands have traditionally been afforded the luxury of people expecting them to be somewhat dishevelled, unkempt – or just downright filthy. You’re probably familiar with the meme that it adds authenticity.
I’m sure you can imagine the first thing big labels would do with freshly signed well-to-do pop rockers would be to “grunge them up a little, just work on their look a bit – you know?”
But much like Hollywood, there is an unspoken expectation that the women of the trade maintain ultra femininity at all times. If showbiz is outrageous – rock n’ roll is fucking ape shit.
So with this in mind, how does Emma Cameron of New Zealand rock band, Decades, maintain my Lady-like Dignity on tour? Just take a look at these 8 easy tips!
1. Wet wipes.
Can’t get back to the accom in time to shower after soundcheck and feeling sweaty and disgusting from the 5 hours you just endured, trapped in a confined space, where the smell of Pringles and dude farts seems to have permanently lodged itself in your … forearms? Wet Wipes.
2. Space saving.
Need to reduce suitcase space to allow room for your cosmetics and beauty products? Simply re-wear sweaty outfits – each and every show.
3. Bathroom battle-station.
Is your greenroom just the back of a bar with a few empty kegs and some mouldy couches? Do your make up in the venue’s not-even-cleaned-from-the-night-before-some-womans-vomit-on-the-vanity bathroom!
4. Bedtime battle-station.
No time to clean your face before the precious 3 hours of beauty sleep you get before hitting the road again? Second day make-up!
5. Pie & V Smoothie.
How do you turn a 5am petrol station breakfast-nightmare into a pretty, Instagram worthy, culinary piece of art? Just blend it all up with your portable Nutri-bullet.
6. Fast Fret Face Serum.
Can’t bare to sleep in your makeup again or re-apply in a public bathroom? Simply apply Fast Fret to your face, not only does it make your guitar strings faster but it turns out it also acts as an all-over, lightweight bronzing foundation.
7. Don’t move gear.
The one time you can cash in on The Patriarchy’s reign, is on tour during load in. Use this precious time to catch up on Instagram, bust some sweet Pilates moves and paint your lady nails.
8. Wear your undies inside out.
Ran out of clean undies? Don’t have a spare $8 or the time to get to Kmart? Or simply cannot be fucked? You know what to do.